Eachtime I scold my son…

Parenting looks like a lovely term, but it is one of the toughest thing. Being a sweet parent is actually easy, but parenting is more about doing the right thing. In the process of doing a right thing, you cannot go wrong. Pretty confusing huh ?!

Today morning the alarm buzzed and as I woke up trying to un-cuddle from my 7 year son who was in deep sleep. I was admiring the beauty of my little one sleeping with his mouth open, especially with those couple of his front teeth gone – made me smile and I kissed him. The first thought in my mind was “I should not scold him today, at any cost, I will be a sweet mom.
After an hour, he was almost ready to school, while I took his bag , I noticed that thing. The same reason on which I have told him thousand times , each day, in different forms. I have requested him, advised him, scolded him, appreciated him when he had not done so.
His school bag was not zipped , his box was thrown and a notebook was torn in the corner. It was the previous day I had told him multiple times to arrange his bag and books properly. Infact his little sister helped him giving his eraser. While I saw today that the eraser was also not inside the box and placed randomly inside the bag, I became… angry.. well.. little more than that… you can call ‘ferocious’.
I took a cloth bag (super market bag) and told him I am gonna be giving his books to school in this bag. He started crying. I was in my strict tone. He wanted to hug me, rather I was advising him. I told him, “if you think that we are rich and each time you are going to spoil your school bag or lose pencils, we will buy new one, then you are wrong son. If we waste money, God will just not give us money and we will be poor”. And my advice continued in the same strict tone.
He understood what I was saying, I could see it in his eyes. But he was sad, that I was angry. I hugged him, kissed on his forehead. His eyes became watery. As he stepped out of the door to school, he turned back. I waved “Bye dear, have a good day” and he said, “Sorry amma” and went to school. I felt a pain. A deep pain inside for NOT being a sweet mommy that morning. I know that again he might do the same mistake but one day I really know that he will be more responsible. He will understand the value of money.

• More than me wanting to be a sweet mom, I want my son to be a correct human being. Yes, we are capable of giving him new school bag every week. We can afford new pencils as and when he loses one. But, that I am sure will give him a wrong value. I had once called my friend to join us for a cartoon movie with her kids. She said that they had recently gone for a movie and taking them again in two days will teach them wrong perception that they will get whatever they want. 
• Yesterday in a birthday party, a ten year old came to sit near me. “Move aside”, he said in a  bold tone. “Ask politely please”, I said & smiled. “Well, can you move aside ?”, he gave a try. “No dear, there is a way to ask elders politely”. “Fine, I will sit somewhere else”, he moved away. I was shocked to see the attitude and impolite behaviour of such a small kid.
• I myself is a daughter of strict parents. We had our fun times, family trips , celebrations and sweet memories. At the sometime, wasting food was not allowed. Studies was on priority. Respecting elders had no compromise.  Though I had felt tough sometimes during childhood, now I am a better individual because of those values taught. I do believe one day my children will be good humans with values.
• Now I realize, my parents also would have gone through these tough emotions overtime they were strict, every time they had scolded me. I always like this Bournvita ad and I want to be this kind of mom.

Whatever said & done, the pain of scolding my little one is still in my heart. I feel very disturbed, I feel guilty of making him sad in the morning. I wish I just run to school and hug him and say sorry and give 1000 kisses. I could not be happy even at work, couldn’t eat properly too. Once the school gets work, I meet him with all those love in my eyes, wondering how his mood is. He comes running to me, hugging and he started telling about what happened in his class. I interrupted, “Sorry Krish”. “For what? “, he wondered. “For scolding you morning”, I pleaded. “Amma, that’s ok, I did a mistake know.. Listen, this Abhinav you know he did a funny thing today”, and he continued. I finally smiled , still tears came out of my eyes too.