I am not writing much on Feminism now a days, and honestly the over zoomed attention on Women Empowerment and the recent hashtags that creates good hungama in social media has made me stay out of it. But today I am writing some experiences and views based on recent incidents.
3 incidents :
- The Movie “Kanaa” (Tamil) is about a village girl who wants to play Cricket in Indian Cricket team. Her cousin brother’s cricket gang understood her interests and she was trained and accompanied by a small village boys cricket team. There comes a tournament. She is a bowler, The batsman gets a duck out. He winks and comments to his friend, “you dint see what I saw, hence couldn’t focus”. Somehow tears rolled down my eyes as multiple such incidents in my life flashed a bit. My 9 year old son who was sitting near me asked, “why are you crying when the opposite team gets out” 🙂 But later, I also told myself, “if it was about someone physically challenged or any other comment made on someone’s weakness, I am sure it is equally bad. Different difficulties, different intensities. So, its okay. After the interval, there comes Indian girls cricket academy scenes and a guy behind our seat throws a dirty comment on one of the actress, about her body. I realized this movie had deeper messages than normal emotions that we face. Its about “Don’t give a damn” or “slap back” , based on individual choices. End of the movie, the message is not about cricket but about farming. We take fancy things seriously and limelight there but difficult important things are left unnoticed.
- I had to travel alone from Trichy to Bangalore in RKT non AC sleeper coach. The bus was already 90 minutes late and my seat was upper first row single sleeper seat. As I entered I was shocked to see there was no curtain. When I checked with the bus driver and conductor, he said ‘that’s not my problem, ask the management’. Wait, did he really think I am going to sleep there without a curtain? The third seat also had same issue but it was a guy, he also escalated but then adjusted to sleep. I had to request an exchange with some men who dont mind sleeping without curtain. Call me stereotyping or what ever, but that moment, I had to accept the fact that a. I was scared to sleep because me without a curtain there – men would look at me b. it was another man who offered help c. still entire night I was afraid on what if the driver is mad at me for the arguments and comes, touches or harass. My people texted me saying its a crowded bus, not to worry. My friend said keep your safety pin nearby. Yes, I am stronger than I was 10 years back but the solution has improved. not the problem. The fear inside was exactly the same. I don’t expect men to understand the intensity because they can never fear what if someone touches , but I for sure expect men to empathize and create a secure environment.
- Today I was on watching Neeya Naana , a debate show in hotstar. The topic was women who like flower and who dont. No, that was the subject under the topic “Modern and cultural women”. It was a funny topic. And I am a modern woman who loves flowers. I have even thought of ways how can I elegantly keep flowers for a modern dress. But, big hats off to the host and the way they connected this topic of flowers to feminism. Those who did not like flowers said, “they are trying to stereotype you that you are a girl, you have to keep flower” so they claimed they are breaking it. One of the pretty women with hair full of flowers said, she rides bullet, she is a rebel when required but she also loves flowers. She feels feminine and freshness and adores the beauty of that feeling. She also said, “when her father passed away, they were asking her relatives to do the last rights as she was a girl, but she fought with them and she did the last rights, saying son and daughter doesnt matter , my dad is my hero”. Now sisters, that is feminism. Rejecting a beautiful flower saying I am fighting for women empowerment is .. well, fill in the blanks. I was shocked how even a simple flower is considered as a stereotype.
I am again repeating the message in #1.
We take fancy things seriously and limelight there but difficult important things are left unnoticed. So, dear feminists, Fight for things that actually matters. Some say men and women are equal. But the same people also complain when a guy opens the door and doesn’t hold for a woman. He is blamed “not respecting women”. Come on. Unfair!
Can we think of any recent incidents focusing on men related issues. Are you sure there are none ? Or do you think, we take the entire stage and doesn’t let them focus elsewhere. Sometimes, we become easy bakaras for the media hunger and online sales. Let us be far more brainy than this. Find out practical areas where we need to accept that women are different, men are different, adore the beauty of God’s creation of two different genders. There are areas where we seriously have to get women empowerment, that is our focus area, but let us not be the only focus area. If you want to say no to something do it because you don’t want to. Don’t label everything under feminism..
Smile, love, accept life, fight right, spread positivity everywhere. Cheers! Happy New Year !