10 years back if someone had told me ‘be like this’, ‘dress like this’, ‘as per the norms, you gotta do this’, maybe I would listen, argue and try to explain them why I am behaving in this way, why I prefer this choice of dress, why I choose the path I am in. But now, when someone gives me this judgemental or opinion based talk, I honestly prefer walking off the discussion or just muting my ears along with my mouth. Maybe this is a positive side-effect of getting older. But I have witnessed some of my college mates who had this attitude and clarity right from teens. I still take cautious steps NOT to prove my point and aspiring to just ignore the nonsense bothering me even afterwards, like a delete button in the memory space, wait – shift + delete.
But since I naturally do not fall into this category, a little introspection of what happens and why this proving your point is a negative consequence and not hygienic for personal happiness. (Yes, I learnt it the hard way). And as always let me list few incidents and hope the readers can relate to your versions of similar incident. This blog is to help you if you are going through similar situation in life !
“Oh, this shoe?”, “Oh the jacket is beautiful, but is that yours?”, “You are pulling our legs, are you jealous or feeling lonely?”, “how did you establish these things in life inspite of being so chill”, “don’t you think you should dress up younger?”, “Don’t you think you should dress up more sophisticated?”, “I prefer branded but you can order in Shein during offers”, “why are you too flowery?”, “you don’t appreciate”, “why don’t you see the nicer things I do”, “you are too strict”, “you are too friendly” – WHATTTTTTT ! the above dialogues are the arrows that poked and few pierced me in and around the same week from various people – friends, colleagues, juniors, seniors, my kids, my spouse and larger family. End of the week, I was thankful to every stranger who met me and did not pass an opinion of my life! Ofcourse, the above comments come in different context and different meaning from folks but honestly I hated all of these. Some were intentional opinions and some was subconscious during a larger conversation and some are reactive after an incident. But, “Bloody hell, let me be myself, what is your problem” – my inner voice would be screaming each time.
Example : I wish I was friendly with kids, but getting them ready to school in a cold morning, I get to be strict and the complaint is “mom, you are too strict” which makes me bite my tongue. I am stricter at work accomplishments but I don’t want to be strict with people, I like to have friends than hierarchical relationships but a comment at work that I am too friendly made me frown?Shocked?surprised? disgusted? well a cocktail of all this.
Oops did you see that I am trying to prove my point in above example and this is really the chaos I have learnt & still learning to overcome (the hard way) and do you do the same mistake? Explaining WHY you were strict or friendly or talking or breathing uff! So, the introspection :
- Self acceptance : While it appears as an effort to explain your world to others, ask yourself, if there is a dilemma within you wondering on their point maybe being right? That is 99% common reason why anyone tries to explain – actually you are validating yourself by proving the point
- Collars up with confidence : We have a lady at office who has unique dressing sense. There are many kinds of direct comments and talking secretly about her dresses. Today I met her at the cafeteria and in our little chat, I understood how much she likes being herself, she said, “I know I am unique” and I could see the confidence she possessed on saying that. So, what if society norms or fashion sense is not aligned with your choice ! Pick it with confidence and appreciate that you are unique.
- Seeking love : Sometimes we also prove our point, so that people like us, love us IF they understand the point of view. But hey, your tribe will surround you without an explanation & that’s authentic. So, instead of seeking love, do love yourself a little more, admire you being you (at least you don’t have to explain it to self). It is okay to be self obsessed than spending time on seeking.
Now most importantly , what not to do is the ‘sad but cool’ concept of proving oneself. This is through memes on status posts which indirectly conveys your message. Also acting politically different with people to hide being you. This is a toxic stage and before you reach this phase, follow the 3 points above and get your acceptance. Save energy and channelize it into 100 other things where you can just be you, with your smile, with your scars, with your madness ! 🙂 Live life to the fullest..